The Moment We Met (Chapter 43)

 

Felix's pov

What the actual fuck did I just do?

How do I fix it?

How did I even find myself in such a position in the first place?

That's why, I'm always told to get a grip of my emotions. I was so overwhelmed with Maisara's past that my thoughts ended up coming out of my mouth. That sounds like a pathetic excuse. Because how the heck can I say something without noticing? Now how do I explain that's exactly what happened?

Whatever happened is one thing. What do I do now? 

I have acknowledged the feeling I've started developing for her a long time ago. It is not hard to notice. In fact, it should be hard to ignore. But I haven't been ready to confess. It is not because I don't have the courage or that I am afraid of being rejected. I mean those are present, of course, but not as the main reasons. The main reason is that I start seeing Ian's points whenever I think about it, that Maisara may not be ready for me. And there is obviously the religious barrier that I can't ignore. 

Now that I've blurted it out and she is demanding a proper confession, I must give her that. She deserves it.

Despite shying away from it every time, I actually have a rough plan about my confession. I know I am gonna do it one day and I have a vaguely perfect plan for that. Flowers, to be more specific, roses, are a must. And I have to have a speech. There are other minor things as well. But all that comes with preparation. And currently, I have none.

So how do I make a perfect confession without any preparation? That's something I have to figure out within the next few seconds. 

"Well, this is not a particularly good place for a confession like that," I say, looking around the area, mostly to find something that can be a better replacement for the flowers. My plan includes a perfect place as well, but looks like it's gonna be a sacrifice too.

"I know," she replies in such a daring tone that goosebumps run over my skin. At the same time, I spot a janitor taking out trash in the lobby. As my eyes fall on the big trash bin, an idea pops into my mind.

"Wait here. I will be right back," saying that to Maisara, I sprint towards the janitor. He doesn't see me coming. That's why, when I appear before him, he almost jumps out of his skin stopping dead in his tracks. I point to the flower bouquet on the top of his trash pile. "Mind if I take that?"

He is still in shock. Clenching his chest with a hand, he looks at the bouquet and then back at me aimlessly. "Yeah, no. Go ahead." His response is noticeably shaky which makes me doubt that he is probably not even hearing what he is saying. 

I walk over and pull out a few gerberas from the bouquet. Obviously, I'm not gonna use a whole bouquet from a trash pile to confess to the only girl I find myself falling in love with. But the situation is like this that I can't bring a brand new bouquet out of nowhere now. So these should work.

Thanking the janitor and leaving him to figure out what has just happened, I jog back to Maisara. Getting on my knees before her, I hold up the flowers. My heart flutters like a butterfly when I look up at her. 

She is looking so beautiful right now, with eyes sparkling and the biggest smile on her face. Ian once told me that he only ever saw her smiling when she was with me. And I think I've never seen her smiling this brightly. I can't express in words how much I love her smile. If I had known confessing to her would elicit such a reaction, I would have definitely done it a lot earlier. 

"Are you seriously going to do this with flowers from the trash can?" She chuckles and the sound of it is so heavenly that I melt instantly. I'm pretty sure I'm looking like a fool with a stupid smile on my face but I don't care.

"Well, my plan was to do it with better flowers, roses, maybe." I shrug rubbing the patels to smooth them on one of the flowers. "But it seems impossible now. So this is gonna be the replacement. I mean, I don't see any other options and-"

She chuckles again grasping the flowers in my hands gently. "It's fine. They will do."

I take a deep breath, not yet releasing my hold on them as I open my mouth to speak. Here goes nothing.

"I'm not that good with words. So before I begin, if I end up offending you unexpectedly, I apologize. Also if you don't like something I'm gonna say, I'm sorry for that too.

"I'm gonna start by answering your earlier question. Yes, I have feelings for you and yes, I ended up blurting it out. I wasn't thinking straight and ended up saying whatever came to my mind. 

"I don't regret it because I already have a plan for confessing my feelings to you. It just wasn't planned for tonight. But I don't mind doing this tonight.

"I don't know if you are aware of it but I have been developing feelings for you for a long time. The first time I recognized it was the first time we were at the library. When you started describing your obsession and your passion for books, I started feeling it. I don't know how to describe that exact feeling. 

"Every person needs an anchor, something steady and constant that they can hold onto. No matter how hard and fickle life becomes, the anchor will serve as a purpose of life. That's what my mom used to tell me. And I saw it in you. To me, it seemed like your anchor was that library and those books. No matter how bad your day is or whatever life is throwing at you, you have got something to hold onto at the end of the day.

"And I realize, terrifying as it is, that I have nothing like that. I'm more of an impulsive person, as you know. I tend to jump from this to that a lot. So, nothing ever worked as an anchor for me and I didn't even think about it until I saw you like that. And that made me think about what my anchor should be.

"As the days went on and as we spent more time in those book-reading sessions, I started realizing that I had already found my anchor. It was you. Because no matter how the day went, I used to look forward to that one-hour session with you every day. And that, I realized, was the purpose of my life. You are the purpose of my life.

"You're special to me in a way no one was before. Falling for someone was always such a foreign feeling to me though it is everywhere around me. My parents have been in love since they were young and still are. And growing up, I have always wanted what they have, that yearning for the other even after all those years and the mesmerizing feeling which still reflects in their eyes whenever they look at each other But unfortunately, I never got that feeling for anyone. Surely, I found people attractive, mentally and physically. But it was never what I was looking for. It never could satisfy me. 

"I felt that for you. I wasn't even trying to search it in you. It just came naturally. The realization and the feeling. That if anyone can be the endgame for me, it's gonna be you.

"Like I said before, I'm bad with words. I don't know how much I could make you understand about my feelings. So, let me just use some metaphors. You know that feeling when you're sitting on the seashore at sunset, the sea is so calm and a gentle breeze is blowing? That calm, certain, and satisfied feeling is what I feel when you are beside me. Or the feeling when you finish a really good book? That's what I feel when I'm with you. There is more to that but I guess you got what I meant.

"When you first told me about those books and read them to me, I had one fixed thought. The best confessions are those where they didn't say 'I love you'. And my instant thought was I could never do that. I still can't, okay? So, here I'm finally saying this to you.

"Maisara Kamal, I love you. I have loved you for a long time and I will keep loving you for an even longer time. I have fallen in love with you—hopelessly, completely, and endlessly. You're the first love of my life and you are gonna be the last one too.

"I know our situation is far more complicated than normal. I don't have any expectations from you. I'm only admitting my feelings to you. The choice is yours. I'm okay with whatever you choose. Nothing will ever make me change my feelings for you."

After I finish my speech, I let out a long breath first and notice how much my hands are shaking. The feeling hits me instantly. I did it! Oh my God! I actually confessed to Maisara!

Then I notice her reaction and it hits me harder. Her eyes are glistening with unshed tears. That obviously makes me alarmed. I instantly jump up to my feet and cup her face. But before any of us can get a word out, our ears are filled with the sound of applause. Both of us whip our heads to find that at least twenty people are gathered around us clapping and smiling. 

I feel my face flash instantly. They have witnessed the whole scene. Oh my God! There is no way I just did a public confession. Not only did I just confess, I did it publicly. Damn! What do I-

Suddenly, I feel a rough pull on my hand that almost makes me lose my balance. Stumbling to my feet, I look up to find Maisara pulling me by my hand. "Let's get out of here," she says, before starting to run through the lobby towards the exit pulling me with her.

"But your leg?" I ask, almost yelling as I struggle to keep up with her strides. God, since when did I find it hard to keep up with her? And how is she even running like that with an injured leg?

"It's working," she yells back over her shoulder, clenching my hand tighter.

"But your report? We didn't get it." I protest again glancing behind me as we are only three steps apart from the exit.

"They gave it to me earlier when you went to get the flower." She waves an envelope up in the air, staring at me over her shoulder. Her eyes are shining so brightly and she is laughing. I can't help but laugh as well. "Watch where you're going."

"Yes, sir!" She hollers with a loud laugh, tugging me along as she goes for a full sprint. I find myself smiling as well.

This is it. This is everything I've ever dreamed of. Sprinting through the streets at night with the love of my life while both of us are laughing like maniacs is the purest form of life. There could never be a moment more perfect than this.