Maisara's pov

After opening up to Felix, I realize that it doesn't hurt as bad as I thought it would. In fact, I think I feel rather relieved as if a long-standing weight has been lifted off my chest.

Felix, on the other hand, doesn't look like he is doing well. During the whole time I was spilling the beans about my past, he didn't utter a single word. That was probably to avoid interrupting me because the expression of sympathy was noticeable on his face all the time and he was even nodding in understanding.

But then I dropped a bomb on his lap with the attempted murder part. The way his expression changed instantly was concerning. And it seems that he hasn't recovered from it yet. He is frozen and staring at me with a horrified look. And I can't remember the last time I saw him blinking.

It's understandable and I can't blame him for that. But he could possibly get a heart attack. I try to save him from the trouble. "Felix, breath." Because it seems like he has stopped breathing as well.

He, however, blinks first and then shakes his head. I notice his eyes are still widened with panic. He opens his mouth and tries to form words which come out as incoherent. "I—Did you—Oh God—Wait, give me a second."

He pulls up his index finger as if to make me pause and closes his eyes to take a deep breath. I watch the destruction I made in him with my traumatizing story. It probably wasn't so wise of me to open up this much.

Taking a few deep breaths, he opens his eyes and stares up at me. "How are you even alive?" That's the first coherent thought he words out. It's so sudden that I actually end up laughing in response.

"That's such a kind thing to say," I say that as a joke and then cringe when I realize it isn't the time to do that. Felix hasn't taken it as a joke either as he starts apologizing almost instantly. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"

I cut him off. "No, I should apologize. I meant it as a joke." Then I shrug with a smile to brush it off. "But it's good now, if that's what you're wondering. I have moved on long ago from that part of my life."

"That part of your life didn't need to happen," he whispers the words out so earnestly that I actually want to believe him. Maybe I do believe him for a second. Then I come back to my senses. Turning my head away from him, I reply, "That part happened to make me stronger for the future."

There is a second pause before he says, "You didn't need to be stronger. You were just a kid."

I close my eyes and take a deep breath. Because his voice sounds so freaking broken. It hits me straight to my heart. He is right. I didn't need to be stronger. All I needed was a home and a person who understood me and stayed by my side through everything. That's the only thing I ever wanted and never got. I keep saying that I've moved on. Have I actually? Don't I crave those things, even after everything that happened to me for wanting them? Or do I want them only from a certain person now?

I turn my head back to look at him and find myself staring back at a pair of glossy eyes. My breath hitches in my throat. Yup, unfortunately, I'm right. I still crave those things. This time I even have a person in mind. That's him.

Leaning my head back, I close my eyes as the sudden realization hits me hard in my guts. I have noticed that I have been developing something for Felix in my heart for a long time. But I never dared to address it. It's much deeper than I thought.

Now that I have admitted it, I don't know what to do with it. Because my plan for the future doesn't involve him, no matter how desperately I want him to be a part of it. I can't include him anymore in my life.

Taking a deep breath, I open my eyes and stare in the opposite direction because looking at him seems like a lot of work suddenly. To lighten the situation, I go for another joke. "I was eighteen, an adult."

Again Felix doesn't take it as a joke. "Barely," he says in a tight tone. And I start wondering when my humor has become this dry.

Silence follows. I'm still trying to avoid eye contact with him. Genuinely, the realization of the feelings I have for him is stressing me more than revealing my past. It feels like he will see right through me if I look at him right now and I'm preventing him from doing that. That's such an idiotic thought but I can't help it.

Felix breaks the silence. "Did you take any legal steps against them?"

I look around the emergency area. The nurse and the person who were arguing are gone. The sleeping figure is still in that corner. I reply keeping an eye on him, "Ryker? Today is the first time I took steps against him."

Taking a pause solely for dramatic effect, I continue, "And if you're talking about my family, I did that after two weeks of fleeing. The case eventually went to court where evidence showed that my sister actually had sleepwalking problems. Thus it wasn't an attempted homicide. Case dismissed."

Okay, I need to actually work on my storytelling skills because the way I keep saying traumatizing stuff like they are everyday things is highly unhealthy. Not for me exactly but for the person who is listening. I can already tell Felix is about to get another heart attack without looking at him.

Just to prove myself right, I look at him out of the corner of my eyes. Yup, I'm right.

He doesn't see me. This time, it's him who leans his head back against the back of the chair and rubs a hand over his face. "What the fuck? How the heck all the bad things kept happening to you?"

That's something I asked myself a long time ago. And the only reasoning I could come up with was, "Kaffarah, I guess."

"What is Kaffarah?" He asks, glancing at me, genuinely curious. I rub my chin thoughtfully before replying, "Kind of similar to karma. Atonement for sin."

He rolls his eyes. "What kind of heinous sin could you have possibly done at such a young age?"

I shrug again. "Or maybe like I said, it was for the character development."

"Mhm, right." Then he suddenly gets up from the chair and stands before me. Well, he is technically hovering over me, his knees barely brushing mine. I feel my pulse quickening as I tilt my head up to meet his gaze. What is he even doing now?

Before I say anything, he drops down to his knees before me and grips my hands tightly. The actions are so sudden that make me jump a little. Now that makes his grip gentler but more firm. And I sit with my back straight and rigid because he looks like he is about to say something serious. His eyes are glowing brightly.

"I apologize for not being there for you when you needed me the most."

That.......... isn't exactly what I expected and I'm not even sure what I expected him to say. So, I feel washed over in relief. I'm not even sure why I'm relieved.

"I didn't-", I pause abruptly, realizing what I'm gonna say is unnecessarily rude. Trying to think of a better way to say it, I come up with, "You were a stranger at that time."

"And you hated me," he replies. Either my eyes are playing tricks on me or he actually smirks for a second before going back to normal. That genuinely catches me off guard. It takes me a second to wrap my head around what he is talking about. However, a moment later, it clicks in my mind. I agree with a short laugh, "And I hated you."

Instead of saying anything else to me, he suddenly leaps up and wraps his hands around me. The smell of his rich cologne hits my nostrils followed by the warmth evolving around me. I suck in a breath instinctively as I feel something inside my stomach as well.

"Felix?" I whisper, my voice shaking a little from the sudden contact.

"You look like you need a hug," he mumbles against my shoulder. I try to protest. "But I-"

And he cuts me off. "Shut up and let me hug you."

Despite myself, it brings a smile to my face. Slowly, I put my hands on his back. The flattering feeling in my stomach grows until I feel it everywhere. I lean my chin on his shoulder and close my eyes. It feels so good. It feels like home. And suddenly including him in my future plan doesn't sound like a bad idea.

"You thought your past would make me hate you," Felix states abruptly. I let out a sigh with my eyes closed. "Seems like it didn't work."

"Why did you think that?" He asks and his tone is so neutral that I can't tell what he is thinking by that alone. I can't see his face either, so that doesn't help me either.

"Because........." I start, but then trail off because I'm not sure either why I thought that he would hate me for my past. I never had it fully revealed to another soul except him. And I just assumed it wasn't something I should go around and tell people. Honestly, it could be because I tried so hard to leave them all behind and proceed with my new life. But it's also because I was afraid people would judge me for what happened in my past if I told them about it.

"Well, because that's a pathetic part of my life," I answer and then end up cringing as it sounds more like an excuse than an actual reason. Felix exhales deeply, fanning my hijab around my neck before saying, "Did you really think I loved you only for the strong facade you show the world? That I wouldn’t want to understand the depths of who you truly are?"

"I didn't mean-" I cut myself abruptly as my brain processes his words and focuses on one word alone. My heart leaps up to my throat as I feel a violent shudder running down my body. I might think I mishear him if he doesn't instantly pull back and stare at me in horror.

"Wait, what?" I'm pretty sure my expression is more or less matching him. He jumps to his feet almost instantly and puts a noticeable distance between us.

"What?" He asks, licking his lips and turning his face away. I stare up at him in disbelief. Is he serious right now? He has just given away his 'slipup' with his instant expression and now he is expecting me to believe it's nothing.

I scowl instead because my blood-pumping organ is going crazy and I'm feeling like I'm going to have a heart attack. "Felix, don't play dumb. Did you just.......said what I heard you saying?"

"What did I say?" Okay, now he is actually toying with me because I fucking see the smirk that he is trying to hide with his hand. God, this man!

"Felix!" I yell in annoyance. He ends up laughing in response. When he looks back at me, I see his eyes shining under the bright light of the waiting area. "What?" He asks in such amusement as if we are playing a game here and he is about to win.

I take a deep breath to calm my fucking heart to stop myself from having a heart attack and look him dead in the eye before announcing, "You know what very well. Stop playing dumb. If you just confessed to me, do it with confidence. Don't do some half-ass shit to me. And if I'm misunderstanding, say that out loud too, idiot."