Maisara's pov
Taking a deep breath, I say what I think would be the best way to start this conversation. "I'm sorry for not letting you know earlier about canceling our plan for tonight."
That makes him pause on his onion-picking job. He moves his hand away from the taco and turns his head to look at me. I visibly take a sharp intake of breath seeing the look in his eyes and I'm sure he has heard that. He's looking at me with that dark shadow hovering behind his orbs. That dark expression is back on his face.
"Maisara," he calls my name in such a way that brings chills up my spine. "All the things that happened tonight and this is what you are apologizing for? Are you serious right now?" I can tell he is getting angrier with each passing second by the way his voice raises in the last words and his nostrils flare. He is even breathing quicker than before. I have managed to successfully bring back the pissed-off Felix. Great!
The logical side of my brain tells me not to do it. Still, I can't help narrowing my eyes at him. "Do I look like I'm kidding?"
I can't tell whether that made him angrier or not. He just shrugs. "I....... I don't know, Maisara. You were in a life and death situation and you are apologizing for.......for this?"
Besides being angry, I notice he's genuinely shocked about me apologizing for 'this'. I don't know why he's this shocked or why it is so hard to believe I'm apologizing for my mistake. Maybe it's not as serious as the following events but still, it's my fault. I probably would have let it go but his reaction is irritating enough to make me stubborn.
I scoff. "That wasn't a life and death situation. Also, if you have a problem with me apologizing for that then you tell me what you need me to apologize for."
Yup, this time, I have definitely fueled his anger. I notice him clenching his hand that's on the table into a fist. His eyes are lit up with raging fire behind them. A very ugly flashback starts making its way back to me. I shove it back into that dark side of my mind, where it belongs.
Calm down. That's Felix, not him. Felix won't be like him. He is probably angry right now. But he is literally the sweetest and the softest guy I have ever met.
I don't know what expression I'm exactly showing but Felix notices that. I have mastered the art of keeping a poker face so good that I can do that in any situation without any effort. But Felix has something in him, that's probably his extra enthusiastic personality or I don't know what it is that makes it so hard for me to remain expressionless in front of him.
So whatever my expression is right now, seeing it instantly calms down his anger. Not entirely, he is still pissed off, I can feel it. But the burning gaze in his eyes has died and his hand is unclenched from the fist, now lying flat on the table surface. He briefly looks away and clears his throat before saying in a much lower tone, "Maybe apologize for the fact that you didn't think about asking for help when you needed it."
"I didn't need help. I was handling the situation quite well." I reply mimicking his tone staring at my cold and forgotten poor taco.
"Yes, of course." He lets out a dry and humorless laugh making me visibly wince. "That's why, you were looking like you were gonna piss yourself any moment and that bastard was looking like he was seconds away from kidnapping you."
My instant reaction is to look at him with wide eyes, shocked hearing him using such foul language. He always talks in such a sophisticated way that I was almost certain he didn't even know any foul language. My silence draws his eyes back to me. One look at my face and he instantly knows what I'm thinking. He raises his eyebrows daring me to say a thing about it.
I was more than willing to accept the dare. But that would make us move away from this conversation which I will not let happen.
So, instead, I shrug choosing another suitable reply. "That wasn't what it looked like."
He leans forward on his arm bracing the table. A dark smirk plays in the corner of his lips. "Then tell me what it actually was."
I shrug off the goosebumps running up my arms and say, "Oliver is my boss."
Felix shakes his head. "I didn't ask who he is. I asked what happened there."
I slowly trail my palm over my arm trying to ease the goosebumps without making it obvious. The logical part of me is telling me to tell Felix everything about Oliver but the stubborn part is not letting me do that. "He was offering to help me."
Maybe he did but it definitely didn't look like that. If Felix had been there the whole time and listened to our conversation, he would have known that too.
His expression turns darker. With a scowl, he says, "So you need his help and not mine. Why, Maisara? Am I that much of a bad guy to you?"
Wrong. That was totally wrong. Felix was never a bad guy to me. Definitely not now. Not even before, when Ryker falsely accused him to me. I believed Ryker and hated Felix back then because it was the easiest thing to accept, rather than accepting the reality. Deep down I knew Felix wouldn't do that even if I had interactions with him only once or twice.
And if in this whole world, I ever need anyone's help, that will only be Felix and no one else.
I try to explain how badly he has misunderstood me, "It wasn't-"
But he doesn't even let me finish. "What? Ok, forget everything." He pauses, takes a deep breath, and then sits straight as if he's gonna do a business negotiation. I merely watch him. "Suppose everything you are saying is right. I'm a bad guy and he is a good guy. He didn't try to do anything else other than help you. I'm assuming all of these are right. Then why weren't you answering your phone?"
I blink in confusion. "What are you talking about? I answered and even talked to you."
He shakes his head. "After that. I texted you and called you so many times and you didn't reply nor did you answer any calls. How else do you think I reached there in time?"
What did he do now?
"You......." I trail off dumbfounded, blinking at him. He came to my office.......... Shit, that's some next-level craziness.
"You came to my office because I wasn't answering you?" I know my question sounds stupid but I'm asking just to be sure that I have actually heard it right and my brain isn't playing tricks on me.
The look in his eyes is more than enough to tell me I haven't lost my mind and he actually did that. He takes a few seconds as if he is taking the time to plaster the heated gaze in my mind in such a way that I never forget it even if I lose my mind.
He doesn't look away even when he replies in a slow and steady voice that once again manages to give me goosebumps, "I drove there like crazy ignoring all the signals cause I thought you were in danger. And I was damn right about it." He may have stopped here. But then he shrugs, adding, "Though now you are implying something else."
I.......... I seriously don't know what to say. Felix was supposed to be someone fun and cheerful, like a baby who doesn't know his way around, and who needs constant support to make sure that he isn't messing up anything. He wasn't supposed to be taken seriously. He wasn't supposed to do crazy things to make sure I'm okay. He wasn't supposed to make his way into my head and even worse, into my heart. He definitely wasn't supposed to do things for me that nobody ever bothered to even so much as think of doing. Felix was never supposed to be any of these.
I don't know how long I was staring at him with eyes as wide as they physically can be. But it was long enough that everything is starting to turn blurry. That's when it occurs to me that Felix is probably waiting for my reply. Unfortunately, I don't have any for him. What do you say to someone who goes to such lengths for you? Thank you? Would that actually be enough? Just a mere thanks? Or should I say sorry?
Despite not knowing what to say, I try to form a reply, "I.......I'm sorry. I actually-"
Felix cuts me off again but this time, not with words. One of his arms comes around my shoulders and he pulls me forward until my face is pressed against his chest covered with his light blue formal shirt. His arms protectively wrap around me as if he's protecting me against all the bad things. My hyperalert consciousness is telling me not to give in to his hug. For once, I don't listen to my consciousness.
Felix is comfortably warm as a blanket in a cold winter night. He gives the best hug in the world. I don't realize I am shaking until I'm pressed against him. Wrapping in between his arms feels so right, so comforting that I feel like melting. His chest is moving up and down with his steady breathing while his heart is beating in a systemic rhythm against my ear. I close my eyes and a tear slips down my cheek. I realize the reason for my blurry gaze. I started crying out of nowhere in front of him. My cheeks heat up though it doesn't feel that much embarrassing. A sigh escapes my mouth in silence.
His chest rumbles as he starts talking in a much softer voice, "I was worried about you, smartass. Just like you were about me when you heard I had a fight with Ryker. I would have destroyed everything to save you. Just like you would do for me."
I stay silent. What he said is more serious than it sounds. I don't know whether he realizes it or not. Probably a much more serious reply on my part would have been expected. But I mumble the first thing that comes into my mind, "That was such a cheesy thing to say, Mr. Reyes."
His chest rumbles again as he chuckles. Do we all talk and laugh from our chest or is it just him?
His reply comes with Felix-like amusement, "What can I say? Miss Kamal likes cheesy things, so I have to be cheesy too."
I pull away from his chest, feeling desperate to see the regular version of Felix back. His arms loosen but stay around me. I look up at his face, inches away from mine. And I was right. The happy glow is back on his face. It is as if he is radiating with a soft glow. His golden eyes are sparkling brightly like stars in the sky on a moonless night. The ghost of an amused smile is dancing on the corner of his mouth. And, finally, with relief, I notice that the hovering shadow of negative emotion is gone.
His right hand moves away from my back. I feel it hovering near the side of my face probably waiting to see if I recoil from his touch. When I don't do anything except stare deep into his eyes, his palm finally makes contact with my skin. Well, not exactly my skin, his fingers are resting against the silk fabric of my hijab while the base of his palm is resting against my cheek. With all my might, I resist the urge to close my eyes and lean against his touch. A soft sigh leaves my mouth. His thumb moves and starts making slow circles on the area over my cheekbone.
The world around us has faded long ago along with its sounds and everything else. His soft whisper sounds like the most enticing song I have ever heard. "Just because you saw a clumsy and careless side of me doesn't mean that I don't have other sides that don't say the complete opposite of me."
My lips form into a soft smile as I blink slowly trying really hard not to fall asleep in the comfort of his touch. "Is that a threat?" I mumble in a daze.
I see an uncharacteristic smirk on his lips before he leans closer to my ear and whispers, "Nothing can ever be a threat unless you choose to be threatened."
No comments:
Post a Comment