Maisara's pov
It has been more than 20 minutes since Felix has led me to his car, sat me down on the passenger seat, placed himself in the driver's seat, and started driving. All this while, we are living in an era where exchanging words is forbidden.
That's making me highly uncomfortable because being silent is oddly out of Felix's character and I'm here dying to say tons of things which is also oddly out of my character. But whenever I open my mouth, I close it back not finding the right thing to say or the right way to start the conversation. That's also out of my character because I may not talk a lot but I usually always know how to start a conversation.
I glance to my left towards the silent man sitting there and driving us to Allah knows where. His sharp clenched jaw first catches my eyes. That's just the same way he was doing it in front of Oliver and it hurts to even look at it. His lips are pressed into thin lines just like before. Golden-brown locks that almost look blackish in the darkness of the car have fallen out of his perfect man bun somehow and are now hovering over his forehead.
He is sitting straight and rigid with hands gripping the steering wheel in a robotic grip. Veins running from the back of his hands to his forearm then vanishing beneath his shirt sleeves are popping out more promptly. The headlights from passing cars fall over his features every now and then only illuminating them slightly as a shadow seems to attach to him like a leech.
I briefly turn my eyes away from him and look at the road ahead of us again failing to make out words. But I strongly feel like I need to say something. What should I say? Should I say sorry? The incident with Oliver wasn't my fault but-
A realization suddenly crosses my mind as my eyes take in the neighborhood through which we are passing by. Words pour out of my mouth before I even realize. "Where are we going?"
I fight back the urge to clump my hand over my mouth. Here goes my plan on how to start a conversation in an awkward silence. What an idiot I am!
Felix doesn't answer me right away. When I start feeling like he's gonna keep his mouth shut for the night, he finally responds, "You tell me."
I give him a funny look. What's that even supposed to mean? "You are the one driving the car."
Keeping his eyes fixed hard on the road ahead of us, he replies in a clipped tone, "Nowhere."
A silent sigh leaves my mouth. He is super pissed. And I literally have no idea what I should say that will calm him down. He's always so cheerful that I don't know what to do when he's like this.
A low growl reaches my ear making me sit straight in my seat. That's a growling of a hungry belly. I subconsciously look down at mine. I have had a bar of dark chocolate a few hours ago, so it shouldn't be me. That means-
I look in Felix's direction. The constant changing of light and darkness from the passing cars and soft street lights makes it harder for me to see any subtle change in his expression, especially when he's not even glancing in my way. So I have no choice but to ask, "Was that you?"
He doesn't say anything for almost one minute. But then his expression suddenly starts changing. The hard look in his eyes starts turning tender and his jaw is subtly released. He licks his lips once and then bites onto the bottom one. He almost looks......embarrassed.
"So that was you," I say, suppressing the laughter bubbling up inside me. Pulling out my phone, I open the map and start typing the name of the restaurant that instantly comes into my mind, all the while saying, "I know a perfect restaurant for dinner. Let's go there."
I shove the phone in his direction. Finally, he takes his eyes off of that damn road and glances at my phone before looking back ahead. "No need. We are going somewhere else for dinner."
Simple words, simple meaning. Yet I don't know how I manage to get a funny feeling inside my stomach. Or it can be just my unknown hunger which I'm mixing with some other illogical feelings.
I nod putting my phone back in my bag. Silence prevails again as I watch the neighborhood through which we are driving. This time it's a comfortable silence and I don't find myself wanting to start a conversation anymore.
It takes about ten minutes to reach that 'somewhere else'. Felix doesn't say anything at first, just kills the engine and stares out of the window, in the same direction as I'm staring.
"This is where we are having dinner?" The moment those words leave my mouth, I realize with horror how stupid and rude that sounded.
Felix is, of course, not that stupid to not pick that up. He replies, "If you don't like it here, we can-"
"No, it's fine." That comes out quicker than I intended. So I give an awkward cough before continuing, "I just never had dinner here before."
Or anywhere like this. Out of the window, to our right is a large taco stand with yellow, red, and orange decorations all over the stand. 'Tacos Taqueria' is written in bold red letters on a yellow background at the front side of the stand. Red decorative papers hang from the top corners of the stand. Everything is illuminated with fairy lights, bright and dim.
This place is probably famous because it is literally buzzing with people. Some of them are ordering, some are eating and some are just hanging around. Several rows of long benches are placed for seating arrangement surrounding the stand. I can't get the smell from here but the sight of making tacos and the thought of eating them are surely stirring the hunger inside me.
The sound of a car door closing reaches my ear and I turn my head just in time to catch Felix walking over to my side of the car. In the next few seconds, my side of the door is opened and he's waiting there for me to step out of the car.
My eyes automatically travel up to his face only to find his eyes not meeting mine. They are fixed on his hand that he has stretched out for me to take.
A random thought crosses my mind. Is he avoiding eye contact with me? I don't find a reason for him to do so, the same way I don't find any reason why he is pissed. But that makes sense as he wasn't even looking in my direction while we were talking in the car.
Or it can be nothing, just my overthinking. And it's probably better if I leave it.
Without letting my mind go elsewhere, I place my fingers into his outstretched palm. His fingers curl around mine gripping them tightly as he pulls and I step on my feet at the same time. He doesn't let go as he shuts the door behind me. Together we make our way to the taco stand.
When we reach the stand, I start noticing small details that didn't catch my eyes from inside of the car. Small fairy lights hanging from the makeshift roof of the stand are casting a permanent orange hue over everything. We walk up straight into that getting showered by the orange light.
The stand isn't all that big and I don't think it has that many ingredients. But damn, that delicious smell of roasted meat and chilies! I feel my stomach soundlessly growling, suddenly being awake with a killing hunger.
"Hey there! What can I make for you two tonight?" A male voice cuts off my daydreaming about tacos. I look up to find the middle-aged taco vendor looking between us with a beaming smile. His yellow apron has 'Tacos Taqueria' written across his chest. He gestures us to look at the menu attached to our side of the counter.
Instead of looking at the menu, I turn my eyes in Felix's direction. His eyes, however, are downwards, focused on the menu. The same dreamy orangish hue is above his head, the golden part of his hair shining like they are covered in stardust and those weirdly curly lashes casting shadow over his high cheekbones. He looks like the perfect picture of a prince charming straight out of a fairytale. Except that, I stopped believing in fairytales long ago.
He must have sensed my gaze on him as he tilts his head and his eyes finally, oh damn finally, meet my eyes. That funny feeling in my stomach returns as soon as his gaze meets mine. His golden-coloured orbs appear as a liquid shade of brown, like honey under the light or maybe it's just the shadow of his curly lashes. His perfectly sculpted eyebrows raise in silent question.
I reply voicing out one question of mine. "What do you suggest?"
His eyes stay focused on mine for a moment too long and I find myself holding my breath. I realize the rage I saw there earlier with Oliver is no longer there. Still, they don't shine like they normally do. A ghostly shadow of negative emotions is hovering over them. But what causes me to hold my breath is the intensity they hold in that one gaze.
"Beef taco with extra cheese, BBQ sauce, and mayo." Somewhere in between our staring contest, his words come floating to me. Despite the urge to dive deep into his heated gaze, I try to remember what he said.
It takes a concerning amount of effort to pull my eyes away from him and look back at the vendor. "Beef taco with extra cheese, BBQ sauce, and mayo. Two of them."
Damn, even I'm impressed that I manage to say it word by word. I swear I have felt Felix's gaze becoming more fierce. Yet I refuse to meet his eyes again.
"Got it! It will take just a minute," the vendor exclaims, his hands getting busy to work around the stand. Finally, I turn my head to glance at Felix.
His eyes briefly meet mine again for a mere second before he cuts them to glance around the surroundings. His eyes catch on something as they fix on it first before looking back to meet mine. "Would you prefer waiting here or there?"
I glance in the direction he has suggested and find an empty place on one side of the long benches illuminated by the same orange fairy lights that seem to be the theme of this taco stand.
"He's right. You can wait there," the vendor voices out from behind the stand. I shrug at Felix. He takes the initiative to walk over there with me following him closely.
When we reach the bench, I notice there is actually space for two people. He gestures me to enter first and I do. He follows after me with his body only inches away from mine. Even if there is space for two people, there is not enough space to sit further away. The wild scent of his rich cologne not only hits my nostrils but hits straight to my guts.
I inhale sharply. It's getting pretty bad.
Squirming a little, I try to get comfortable in my seat and try to get this weird feeling out of my stomach as well. It doesn't help much. Then I try to start ignoring it.
"You come here often, don't you?" Again this is me trying to start another conversation. I glance in his direction at the same time he glances at mine. Our eyes meet for the umpteenth time of the night and again the squeezy feeling somewhere in my guts or in my chest intensifies.
Luckily he doesn't take long to respond this time. With a slight shake of his head, he replies, "I won't say often but it's one of my favorite places to eat."
I tilt my head a little placing the side of my jaw over my palm. "Sounds like you."
I swear I see his eyes gleaming with amusement as he shrugs. "And that doesn't sound like you at all." Pausing briefly to look away from me, he gestures to our surroundings. "Eating here, I mean."
I don't say anything in return, just look away and start studying the environment. My eyes first go to the people sitting directly in front of us. A young girl, possibly a middle-schooler with a much middle-aged guy, possibly her dad. They both are so cheerful, chatting lively and eating tacos. That's a different kind of energy, a supposedly familiar kind of energy to me.
I sigh looking away from them. It hurts when you try to bury a memory in your heart with all of your force and with one single event, it all tries to push back up. It hurts so bad.
"You know," I start talking out of nowhere again, mumbling mostly and I highly doubt Felix can even listen to me over these noises around us. Still, I keep going, mostly talking to myself. "When I was a kid, my dad used to take us to this kind of places. He was fond of street foods."
When Felix responds, I realize he is actually listening, "Your dad seems like a nice guy."
A dark chuckle leaves my mouth hearing that. I glance up at the girl and her dad. They are still that lovely dad-daughter duo, which would never be possible with me ever again. "Used to be. Not anymore."
I don't know what his expression is or if he has wanted to reply since I am not looking at him. But we get distracted by someone placing our tacos in front of us with a, "Here you go. Enjoy your tacos."
The familiar delicious aroma of grilled meat hits my nostrils. On a disposable plate, two tacos are placed in front of us. Inside the tortilla, grilled beef filling is covered with a layer of lettuce, and tomatoes, and on top of that rests a heavy layer of cheese. Finally, all of them are covered with tomato ketchup, BBQ sauce, and mayo.
With horror, I hear my stomach growling loudly this time. Instantly, my cheeks heat up and I glance at Felix. And to my surprise, I find him trying to suppress his laughter.
In an instant, all the embarrassment leaves me as soon as I see that brightness returning to his face, even if not in its full form. His eyes, focused on me, shine with amusement and they crinkle at the sides. His right hand is curled in front of his mouth trying to cover the blooming laughter as well. The shadow that has been hovering over him is almost invisible.
If that's what it takes to return his happiness back to him, I'm willing to humiliate myself hundreds of times.
"After you." He gestures me to take the taco first, his voice light with amusement. Mumbling a thanks, I take the taco from my side. It looks larger than average. Taking it close to my mouth, I place a big bite. I don't know if it is actually possible but I feel the ingredients melting in my mouth. I melt too with the heavenly taste of it. The urge to moan out loud seems harder to suppress at that moment than anything in the world.
I have closed my eyes somewhere in between. Gulping down the bite, I open them and find Felix staring at me, intently watching my reaction. My cheeks flash again. Allah knows what reaction I was giving.
"Why aren't you eating?" I ask him to try to redirect his attention from me to the food in front of him, noticing that he hasn't touched his taco yet when he was more eager than me to eat here.
He shrugs, with his hands tucked under his chin, and makes no attempt to grab the taco. "Watching your reaction is way better than eating tacos."
I avert my gaze away from him and concentrate on my taco trying my best to fight back the heat creeping up my neck. Can you even fight back a blooming blush? I don't know.
I feel him finally taking his taco and bringing it to his mouth. Unlike him, I don't have to courage to shamelessly keep staring at his face to see his reaction though I feel a strong urge to do so.
We just sit there and keep eating our individual tacos in comfortable silence while the world around us is buzzing with noise. The noises of men and women chatting and laughing, the clattering of utensils over the stand, the sizzling sounds of grilled meat, and many other sounds are there and I could only focus on the person sitting next to me. I'm not even looking at him but he has all my attention. The way he's taking small bites from the taco, the way he's rubbing something off of his pants that he has dropped, the way he pulls his hand down in between each bite, and the way he gulps down. I'm well aware of how terribly attentive I am to his every small action without even so much as looking his way.
That's also telling me how terribly fucked up I am already.
And suddenly I know that I need to bring up what happened earlier in the night and talk to him about it. That's hovering over us like a dark shadow and we need to clear it. I also know how to bring up the conversation now unlike how I felt at a loss for words minutes ago.
Gulping down the bite, I clear my throat preparing myself for the conversation. Then I look at him to find him, of course, already looking at me. I voice out the only word I can think of. "Felix."
I realize how useless that sounded because I have technically called him when he is already looking at me. He didn't need to be called. In response, he just nods once as a gesture for me to continue.
"Thanks for bringing me here," I say quietly hoping that he will understand how genuinely I feel about it.
He only nods at first looking down to his taco. Then after staying quiet for a few seconds as if debating whether he should say it or not, he finally gives in and decides to speak, "You know I haven't brought anyone else here other than you."
That......... Well, I don't know what I have expected him to say but this definitely isn't that. That's why, it kinda catches me off-guard. "Not even Ryker and the others?"
He shakes his head and looks up to meet my gaze. "Not even them."
"Oh." I am already rummaging my brain for a better response and finding nothing when I see a different kind of glint in his eyes. He's looking at me as if I'm someone special to him, way more important than his friends and brother. I look away clearing my throat to gain the ability to give a better response. "That's.........an honor for me."
Felix doesn't say anything in reply and I don't muster up the courage to look at him to see his expression, afraid that I will end up seeing things I shouldn't have seen, like the look in his eyes from moments before. Some things are better left unseen.
Silence prevails again and all I keep thinking is that I need to talk to him about the other things as well, things that don't involve me thanking him for bringing me here and him telling me that it's his secret hideout, things that involved Oliver cornering me and Felix rescuing me.
Biting down another small portion of the taco, I chew on it and gulp it down before turning back to look at Felix. Probably for the first time since getting here, I don't find him already looking at me. Instead, he's looking down at his taco and picking on it.
I think of a way to start the conversation before opening my mouth. "Felix, I have something else to tell you as well."
"I know." He keeps picking on the taco and I notice he's picking out the onion pieces and keeping them aside. "Say it."
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