Dear mon chéri,
How are you? Silly question, I know. "I'm doing more than great" is gonna be your answer. Good to hear that.
It has been a while since I came here. I've been busy lately, with hospitals and stuffs, you know. But rest assured, it's almost over now. Meaning coming here regularly again.
Something amazing happened today. Met this cute little girl. Her name is also Cora. She's so sweet and cute, you know, I can't help loving her.
Her parents were nearly our age. They invited me to join them. But I refused to come here and talk to you.
Do you know what I was thinking when I saw them today? It could have been us. You, me, and our kids, we laying on the beach chair, you being you, occasionally teasing me and kissing me, our kids running and playing around with sand and water. Suddenly we can't find one of them because we were too busy with each other. You start running here and there frantically to find the lost one and I chill here knowing it's gonna be fine, we're all gonna be back together by the end of the day. We're gonna be a picture-perfect family, with a loving mother, a caring father, and some cute little kids. Those parents, they don't look like us at all. Yet, they seem to resemble us in some way.
Oh, I found that special letter of yours today, that one you gave me with my favorite book. Okay, not a fully written letter, I know.
It has turned yellowish. And fragile. It's not the same. It has changed.
Everything has changed, you know. Everything is changing.
You know, I want to say so badly that nothing has changed. I'm good, everything is cool, and life is going great. I know, I promised to never get upset. I promised to never cry if you ever leave me. I know, I promised to live the happiest life for the two of us if you ever die before me.
But you know, it's really hard. To move on without you. To live a life without you. To act like life is serving me right and I'm doing well when you're not here with me.
I don't think I've moved on actually. I'm just getting used to it. I'm not even living a life without you. I'm living it with you living perfectly alive in my imagination.
I'm just gonna be honest. I miss you. A lot. Every day, every second, I miss you.
Will you come back if I tell you to right now?
Silly question again. Forget it.
I know you can't. That's why, I decided to do it. I'm coming to you.
Surprised? Hehe, yeah, that's a good news.
I had the regular checkup date today. And I skipped coming here. Because it's useless. The disease is spreading pretty quickly inside my body and I can feel it. The last time, the doctor said that I needed the surgery quickly. So that I can live a couple more years.
Now here's the thing. Who said I wanna live more? I'm living this life just because I promised you that I'll never even think of committing suicide no matter what, I'll never take my life with my own hands. Otherwise, I would have done it long ago and gone to live in the afterlife with you.
Now if this disease is making it easier for me then why shouldn't I take the chance? Why do I need to get cured of it when it's only trying to take me to you? It has come as a blessing and I should make the best use of it.
I think I need to stop now. I can't write anymore actually. My head is throbbing and I'm seeing stars and patterns in my vision. That's an updated version of the symptoms which are indicating the short amount of time I have before I'm meeting you again.
So bye for now. Don't know if I'm gonna talk to you like this the next time or I'm gonna do it face to face with you. I'm praying for the latter though.
Till then, take care and stay happy. Though I already know you are. And don't forget that I love you.
Forever yours,
Your chocolate
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